Daily Log - Monday, March 27
Today was a bad day. Robin crossed the line into hurting herself.
This is my recount of the day's events...
I went to work as normal around 6am. Robin got Archie off to school. We texted back and forth a little. My nephew, Jake is in the hospital recovering from brain surgery.
I don't discuss too much of his status with Robin for a few reasons. She doesn't like bad news. And if he gets out of the hospital after having brain surgery within a week, it opens old wounds from when Archie was in the hospital for 6 months...just to make sure he was okay. Everybody else seems to have it easy on hospital visits. Anyway, my brother has been doing group texts to me and by siblings. He has had some pictures of the stitches and x-rays of the tumor that was in his head. I didn't prebviously show Robin the "stiches" pictures. But she did see a pic or two of him asleep in his hospital bed with his head shaved. But nothing bad.
This is related to what triggers Robin today.
I went to work at 6am as normal. Robin got Archie off to school as normal. She hasn't been sleeping much at all for months and it's wearing on her. Around 7:30am, she texted me and asked me to take her to urgent care because she can't take these sleepless nights much more. I did not respond for an hour because I was working and getting the restaurant ready to open. By the time I responded she had booked an online appointment with somebody, and said she no longer needed me to take her.
She tried to invite me to join in on the virtual doctor meeting. But I never got the log in info.
She did it on her own and the doctor perscribed Melatonin and more blood work. The doctor believed that "crippling stress, trauma and severe hereditary menopause" was keeping her from sleeping. Robin agreed.
Robin texted me later that she needs to see a neurologist to see if the insomnia is an early onset to Alzeimer's (what her mother had). She wanted me to search on the insurance website to come up with a list of nearby neurologists and hematologits She then texted me that she would like me to take her to an appointment in Riverside and she couldn't drive there. I didn't ask any questions...I just said "yes". But I didn't know who she was seeing or for what or why she couldn't drive herself. I left work around 2pm and headed to the grocery store pharmacy to pick up the perscription. The pharmacist told me that there was no need to see them...because Melatonin could be bought over the counter. He took me to the shelf they were on and showed me the high dosage one. It was on sale BOGO. So I bought two and headed home. Robin got in the car and we headed out about 2:45pm...this is where it starts to go bad. About a mile or two down the road, Robin asks me how Jake is doing. I tell her I don't have too many updates, but my brother told me that he should be out of the hospital by Monday. She told me "Today is Monday". I said "oh yeah...I guess I'll try and get an update later today". Then I told her the only update I had was some pictures of his stitches that I didn't think she wanted to see. She said "you sent me pictures already", she wasn't happy about the ones I sent. I told her, I hadn't shown her all of them because I didn't think she would like to see them. (trigger point). She started loudly shouting "why would anybody want to see those photos"!!! Why would you send those to me!!!" She said it a few times while I remained silent. Then she started her loud & uncontrollable sobbing that she does when she is most upset.
She kept yelling things at me. But I wasn't going to respond. There is nothing I can say when she is like this that will help calm her. So I remain silent to avoid making it worse. She went silent then too. But she had a hairband that she was going to use on her hair once we got there. It was around her wrist. She was sitting in the passenger chair looking very upset & angry. Then she grabbed the elastic hairband and started pulling it, and letting go so it would snap her wrist. She was snapping the part of her wrist on her left hand where the veins are. She did it over and over, but started pulling it further and further. I didn't know if I should try and stop her and risk something bad happenging while I was driving or not. I wasn't sure if was that painful or not. I don't know why she was doing it. But figured it was a lame attempt at "hurting herself" to get my attention or something. But then she said "uh oh...I did something bad". And she was saying this in her little kid voice that she does when she is in this personality mode. "I think I did something bad Chris." She showed me her wrist. The scrin around the veins had turned into a giant bubble. It wasn't just a normal swelling or a bruise...it was a bubble. I hadn't seen that before. I'm guessing it was her body's way to try and protect the veins. Almost like an airbang in a car. It was scary. I said "Robin...what are you doing!?? Stop it!" She snapped it again. I grabbed it away from her. She said "But it was stopping the pain in my head...and that was soooo nice. I like it. Finally some sweet relief." I burst into tears. I begged her to stop doing this. I asked her what I should tell the kids if she kills herself. She kept saying in this kid voice that it felt so nice. She said we might have to get some ice or go to an ER. I wasn't able to concentrate...I could barely think as I was crying and driving. I kept looking for a gas station or something. I decided to keep heading to this doctor...but again...wasn't sure who we were seeing. So I decided to start asking her about this visit, so I could distract her and also figure out my next step. She said we were going to an MRI scanning place per a doctor's order to get a scan of her thyroids. At this point, the buble on her skin started to go down a little. So I hoped nothing was seriously wrong. I figured we could ask for ice at the clinic. By the time we got there, the swelling was mostly down. You could still see it...but it wasn't as scary looking anymore. It just looked irritated.
She asked for the hair tie back so she could put her hair up and go in. I said "only if you promise to stop". She she would...she said "i was only doing it to stop the pain in my head...but now it just hurts...so I will stop".
We went in to the clinic and signed her in and sat in the lobby. Robin pulled herself together for the strangers and just remained quiet. They called her in and did the scans. We left. On the way home she wanted to talk about Josie. She always wants me to call her and get her food because she doesn't think Josie is eating. She is. But she kept saying she wanted her to eat healthy. We ended up heading to PotBelly to get some food for me, her and Josie. On the way there, Robin kept saying how much she wanted Josie to eat and seemed like she was desperately trying to pick a fight about the topic with me. I ended up saying something that caused her to scream at me again. I just remindered her that Josie is on a different sleep schedule and that I don't feel it necessary to stuff food down her throat as soon as she wakes up. I reminded Robin that I don't eat breakfast. I reminded her that when we first dated, I used to try and cook her a breakfast in the morning but she always declined because she said "her stomach shrinks in the summer" or somethiogn like that. But my comment about shoving food down her throat didn't sit well with her and she called me a bastard. I kept silent the rest of the way to Potbelly. I parked outside. Robin did not want to come in. I went in and ordered the food and came out. Robin looked bad again. I asked her if she was snapping her wrist again. She said she did..."but I stopped because it wasn't giving her the releif anymore. It just really hurts now."
I told her if she kept this up, we were going to have to call 911 and they would get her to take the medications again. I told her if she didn't want that to stop hurting herself. It told her if Josie had to learn her mother killed herself because she wasn't happy with how Josie turned out (that's bean one of my recent points with her...that's she is depressed because the kids are a disappointment to her because of their issues)...that it would pretty much do in Josie for the rest of her life. She stopped her rant a little after hearing that. When we got home, she put ice on her wrist. I asked the next day if the wrist was okay. She said it's fine now. I guess that it was stopped before it got serious. But it was still pretty scary. And the first time I've seen her hurt herself. I did not like hearing the phrase "but it gave me such sweet relief" either. The next day I did tell her friend Michelle about the incident.
She tried to invite me to join in on the virtual doctor meeting. But I never got the log in info.
She did it on her own and the doctor perscribed Melatonin and more blood work. The doctor believed that "crippling stress, trauma and severe hereditary menopause" was keeping her from sleeping. Robin agreed.
Robin texted me later that she needs to see a neurologist to see if the insomnia is an early onset to Alzeimer's (what her mother had). She wanted me to search on the insurance website to come up with a list of nearby neurologists and hematologits She then texted me that she would like me to take her to an appointment in Riverside and she couldn't drive there. I didn't ask any questions...I just said "yes". But I didn't know who she was seeing or for what or why she couldn't drive herself. I left work around 2pm and headed to the grocery store pharmacy to pick up the perscription. The pharmacist told me that there was no need to see them...because Melatonin could be bought over the counter. He took me to the shelf they were on and showed me the high dosage one. It was on sale BOGO. So I bought two and headed home. Robin got in the car and we headed out about 2:45pm...this is where it starts to go bad. About a mile or two down the road, Robin asks me how Jake is doing. I tell her I don't have too many updates, but my brother told me that he should be out of the hospital by Monday. She told me "Today is Monday". I said "oh yeah...I guess I'll try and get an update later today". Then I told her the only update I had was some pictures of his stitches that I didn't think she wanted to see. She said "you sent me pictures already", she wasn't happy about the ones I sent. I told her, I hadn't shown her all of them because I didn't think she would like to see them. (trigger point). She started loudly shouting "why would anybody want to see those photos"!!! Why would you send those to me!!!" She said it a few times while I remained silent. Then she started her loud & uncontrollable sobbing that she does when she is most upset.
She kept yelling things at me. But I wasn't going to respond. There is nothing I can say when she is like this that will help calm her. So I remain silent to avoid making it worse. She went silent then too. But she had a hairband that she was going to use on her hair once we got there. It was around her wrist. She was sitting in the passenger chair looking very upset & angry. Then she grabbed the elastic hairband and started pulling it, and letting go so it would snap her wrist. She was snapping the part of her wrist on her left hand where the veins are. She did it over and over, but started pulling it further and further. I didn't know if I should try and stop her and risk something bad happenging while I was driving or not. I wasn't sure if was that painful or not. I don't know why she was doing it. But figured it was a lame attempt at "hurting herself" to get my attention or something. But then she said "uh oh...I did something bad". And she was saying this in her little kid voice that she does when she is in this personality mode. "I think I did something bad Chris." She showed me her wrist. The scrin around the veins had turned into a giant bubble. It wasn't just a normal swelling or a bruise...it was a bubble. I hadn't seen that before. I'm guessing it was her body's way to try and protect the veins. Almost like an airbang in a car. It was scary. I said "Robin...what are you doing!?? Stop it!" She snapped it again. I grabbed it away from her. She said "But it was stopping the pain in my head...and that was soooo nice. I like it. Finally some sweet relief." I burst into tears. I begged her to stop doing this. I asked her what I should tell the kids if she kills herself. She kept saying in this kid voice that it felt so nice. She said we might have to get some ice or go to an ER. I wasn't able to concentrate...I could barely think as I was crying and driving. I kept looking for a gas station or something. I decided to keep heading to this doctor...but again...wasn't sure who we were seeing. So I decided to start asking her about this visit, so I could distract her and also figure out my next step. She said we were going to an MRI scanning place per a doctor's order to get a scan of her thyroids. At this point, the buble on her skin started to go down a little. So I hoped nothing was seriously wrong. I figured we could ask for ice at the clinic. By the time we got there, the swelling was mostly down. You could still see it...but it wasn't as scary looking anymore. It just looked irritated.
She asked for the hair tie back so she could put her hair up and go in. I said "only if you promise to stop". She she would...she said "i was only doing it to stop the pain in my head...but now it just hurts...so I will stop".
We went in to the clinic and signed her in and sat in the lobby. Robin pulled herself together for the strangers and just remained quiet. They called her in and did the scans. We left. On the way home she wanted to talk about Josie. She always wants me to call her and get her food because she doesn't think Josie is eating. She is. But she kept saying she wanted her to eat healthy. We ended up heading to PotBelly to get some food for me, her and Josie. On the way there, Robin kept saying how much she wanted Josie to eat and seemed like she was desperately trying to pick a fight about the topic with me. I ended up saying something that caused her to scream at me again. I just remindered her that Josie is on a different sleep schedule and that I don't feel it necessary to stuff food down her throat as soon as she wakes up. I reminded Robin that I don't eat breakfast. I reminded her that when we first dated, I used to try and cook her a breakfast in the morning but she always declined because she said "her stomach shrinks in the summer" or somethiogn like that. But my comment about shoving food down her throat didn't sit well with her and she called me a bastard. I kept silent the rest of the way to Potbelly. I parked outside. Robin did not want to come in. I went in and ordered the food and came out. Robin looked bad again. I asked her if she was snapping her wrist again. She said she did..."but I stopped because it wasn't giving her the releif anymore. It just really hurts now."
I told her if she kept this up, we were going to have to call 911 and they would get her to take the medications again. I told her if she didn't want that to stop hurting herself. It told her if Josie had to learn her mother killed herself because she wasn't happy with how Josie turned out (that's bean one of my recent points with her...that's she is depressed because the kids are a disappointment to her because of their issues)...that it would pretty much do in Josie for the rest of her life. She stopped her rant a little after hearing that. When we got home, she put ice on her wrist. I asked the next day if the wrist was okay. She said it's fine now. I guess that it was stopped before it got serious. But it was still pretty scary. And the first time I've seen her hurt herself. I did not like hearing the phrase "but it gave me such sweet relief" either. The next day I did tell her friend Michelle about the incident.
Comments
Post a Comment