The People involved & Why I'm doing this

My name is Chris.  I'm married to Robin.  We have 2 kids (Josie & Archie). I'm starting this blog and documenting some of the things that are going on in my family, mostly my wife.  Why?  Because she is suffering from a Mental Illness that most people in our lives have no idea to what level it has taken a toll on her or what is going on.  I see the worst of it daily.  Robin lives it daily.  Our kids probably know something is going on, mainly because of how they have distanced themselves from her.  Her best friend knows a lot.  Her sisters know very little, but they know she has been on medication. Robin hides it well in public or in front of people.  But it takes a lot of her energy to do so.  Once she is behind closed doors and can let go of putting on the show, I can see the toll the day took on her.  It's not pretty.  She is suffering.  She is miserable and going through hell.  And times, it feels like all is lost and our once happy little family is gone for good, even though we are all right here. Part of the reason I'm going to start documenting some of it, is because I fear at some point, it's going to get to where she can't hide it from others and it will be quite the shock to friends and family members.  I also fear that I could be accused of keeping it a secret until its too late or worse...or accused of keeping it quiet because of the way I treat her or something like that. Which isn't the case at all. Let me get this part out before I go on...I love my wife.  I meant what I said when we got married.  You know...the "better or for worse" part?  It's worse now.  I'm sticking around.  Because I love her.   Every once in awhile the "old Robin" pops up when her brain has a "window" of time it's not abusing her and she is back to her kind, sweet old self.  I fell in love with her many years ago, and we've been married over 20 years now.  Those windows that pop up occasionally are getting less frequent, and I'm seeing more and more of her other less pleasant personalities.  My lease favorite is the mean one.  The mean Robin will do her best to pick a fight with me out of the blue for no reason and just say mean things to hurt me for no apparent reason.  It's always unprompted, and always includes the phrase "this obviously isn't working and needs to end".  Then states she wants a divorce.  But then an hour later, she doesn't want me to leave her side and is scared of a life without me. Part of me thinks she does need to get away and live on her own.  But I don't know if she could even do that in her current state...soon to be worse. I find at times, my presence...or things I say...no matter the good intentions often trigger some of her bad moments.  So I back off to lesson the stress on her.  I'm doing that more and more, and find myself not even talking to her in person for days because I'm afraid to make it worse.  She is very lonely & sad because her whole family is keeping away from her.  It breaks my heart.  I hate it. And don't know what to do most of the time. I'm quickly becoming more and more of a caretaker and less of a husband and friend.

I'm going to post a series of posts in different categories:

Background posts
Observational Notes
Daily Documentations & Updates
Theories

Even though this blog is out there for the world to see, I'm not really sharing it to the people involved unless the time comes for family & friends to see it.